“Right, mate,” Mal says sliding his gaze over at Draco. “I forgot already. And… I impersonated Potter not for what he knows about being witches!” he sneers, scoffing. “No, you and me, Draco, we know about girls. We know how to kiss them, touch them, talk to them. We know how to do just about everything to make them pant after us… but I’m afraid, you and me, we don’t have the first idea how to…” Mal’s voice drifts off.
“love one…” he at last whispers.
He shrugs. “I don’t deserve to get that luxury.” He looks over at him. “So how did it work out for you? You figured out how to love Chang yet?”
Mal chokes back a heated retort. He finds calm when he thinks of her.
“I’m not going to be one of those shits who spouts rainbows out of their arses and talks about love being something all of us deserves. You want that, go to Zabini, mate. Or better yet, try Corner.
All I know is that if I can get this close to something like you had with Granger, I’m going to die trying to figure out how to keep it for as long as I can.
Cho left, you know. It was for no longer than an afternoon, but that whole time, I thought I might as well go get the Mark. Life wasn’t worth it anymore. There was nothing left for me during those hours I thought she was gone.
“So here you are. Drinking yourself to a stupor, enjoying your pity party. So what? You’ve got the Mark, you’re still living, breathing. You’re in my manor. So is she. There’s nothing stopping you. Even if it’s just one night.
Isn’t that all any of us have really? No one gives a fuck about us, Draco. The only one who cares about me is Cho. At least I’d like to think that. And I have a feeling you know who your person is.”
Mal looked at his friend and addressed the second question.
“My experiment sucked really. Potter isn’t as well-loved as I thought,” Mal replies with a scoff. He takes in a breath, thinking about Draco’s last question, “and no… not yet. but I’m working on it.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “You don’t understand. With Herm—Granger, it’s not just one night. I look at her and I want forever. But I can’t have that. Because of who I am and who she is. And because I’m too much of a coward to change that. You have a chance with Chang. You haven’t taken the Mark, and let me tell you, if you do, I will personally kick your arse. So no, we don’t all have one night. Well we do, but sometimes, it’s not enough. I love her. I didn’t need Potter to tell me that. But I can’t, because it will hurt her. I can’t be with her forever or even one night. One night alone will kill me, and forever will kill her.” He sighs and shakes his head, taking out his flask and passing it over. “So yes, I drink myself to sleep. It’s what I do, it’s what I have to do. It’s what keeps me going day in and day out. Don’t judge me until you’ve lived a day in my life, mate.”
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